Three Little Pigs: Reprise

three little pigs
Note: Today is Day 11 of my 30 day blog challenge. If you want to get my random thoughts about random stuff in your inbox, you can subscribe at the bottom of any post or mash the RSS button if that’s how you roll. 

While going through some old boxes, I found this story that I wrote in my sophomore year of high school. The assignment was to use a list of vocabulary words in a story. I’ve left the original vocabulary words underlined. I had so much fun writing this story. I took almost a week longer than the due date to finish it, but I promised my teacher it would be worth the wait. He enjoyed it so much that I heard he used it as an example in his classes for many years.

I hope you enjoy it too. 

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“Here ye! Here ye! Here ye! The case of Porky, Herbert, and Wilbur Pig vs Smiley Wolf is now in session. The honerable Joseph B. Wapner presiding. All rise.”

Everyone assembled in the courtroom rose as Judge Wapner entered the courtroom. He was a sardonic looking bear with a face davoid of emotion.

He stepped up on the bench.

“You may be seated.”

“Smiley Wolf, you have been charged with breaking and entering and willful destruction of property. How do you plead?”

Smiley and his attorney. Red Fox, stood. “Not guilty on both counts.”

“Very well. Ms Hippo you may begin your opening remarks,” Ms Hippo was the attorney for the plantiff. She was a

prodigious hippo and had to make a great effort to get up from her chair.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It is my belief, and I hope it will soon be yours, that this trial is but a formality in the conviction of the vial villian, Smiley Wolf. We intend to show clear and irrefutable evidence that not only did Mr., and I use that term loosely, not only did Mr. Wolf blow down the homes of Herbert and Porky Pig, but also attempted to break into the home of Wilbur Pig and consume the three of them for his early evening viands.”

“We have as evidence, various accouterments used during the altercation and a number of photographs. This, plus the testimany af my clients and other witnesses, shou1d be more than enough to find the defendant guilty.”

Ms Hippo returned to her seat with another great effort. “Thank you counselor,” said the stone faced judge. “Mr.

Fox, do you have any opening remarks?”

“Yes your honor.”

“Proceed.”

“Thank you, your honor.”

Mr. Fox rose slowly and turned to face the jury. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My client has been badly wronged. As you will soon see, the piantiffs have conspired to frame my client and they have conspired to lure him down their chimmney and cause severe third degree burns and extensive pain and suffering. My client has filed a countersuit for 2.5 million dollars to pay for burn treatments and for pain and suffering. Further more, we intend to prove that my c1ient previous1y he1d no ma1ice toward the p1antiffs and would never have knowingly brought harm to them. That is all.”

“Thank you Mr. Fox,” said the judge. “And now, Ms. Hippo, if you will call your first witness.”

“Yes your Honor. I call Herbert Pig to the stand.”

Herbert was sworn in and seated himself on the stand. His short legs dangled about a foot from the ground. By the time he was comfortable, Ms Hippo had once again risen from her chair. She now approached the stand.

“State your name and occupation please.”

“Herbert W. Pig, unemployed.”

“Now please tell the court when and how Mr. Smiley Wolf destroyed your house.”

“Objection! It has not been estab1ished that Mr. Pig’s house was destroyed by Mr. Wolf.”

“Sustained. Counseler you will please rephrase the question.”

“Yes, your honor. Mr. Pig, please tell the court the incidents which lead to the destruction of your home.”

Herbert cleared his throat loudly and began his story.

“Well, it was about three months ago and I and my two brothers had been sent out into the world to make our fortunes. I realized I would need someplace to live so I bought some straw with what little money I had and built a small house for myself.”

“One day when I was taking my afternoon nap, I suddenly heard Mr. Wolf pounding on the door, demanding to be let in. He sounded as if he’d had about five too many in the bar. Naturally I told him to buzz off, but he was quite

persistant. In fact, he started huffing and puffing, boy his breath stunk, and pretty soon he blew my whole house down.”

Sudden1y Smi1ey Wo1f jumped up shouting, “Thats a 1ie! He’s making the whole thing up! I won’t stand for all these lies being told about me!”

“Order! Order in the court!,” said the judge, “Sit down Mr. Wolf and refrain yourself from further interruption. If you fail to do so I”11 have you brought up on contempt charges.”

Reluctantly Smiley sat down and was quiet. Judge Wapner turned to Herbert. “You may continue Mr. Pig.

“Thank you, your honer. Theres not much left to tell from my side of things except I ran to my brother Porky’s house and he didn’t catch up to me there until an hour later.”

“Thank you Mr. Pig. No further questions.” Ms. Hippo moved back to her desk but this time she did not sit down.

Mr. Fox had no questions for Herbert, so Ms Hippo called her next witness, Mr Porky Pig and approached the stand.

“State your name and occupation please.”

“M–My name is P-P-P-Porky P-Pig. I’m an actor.”

Smiley jumped up again. “Ha! You. call yourself an actor! Everybody knows you haven’t had a job in six months!”

“Mr Wolf!” yelled the stone faced judge. “I warned you! Two hundred dollar fine for contempt of court! Now sit down and be quiet!”

When Smiley was once again quietly seated. Porky continued. “As a m—m—matter of fact, I just signed a contract with Warner Brothers just last week.”

“That’s very nice Mr. Pig, but please stick to the relavent facts.”

Porky’s testimony was much the same as Herberts with one exception.

Smiley could be seen, shaking with near paroxysms in an effort to keep from interrupting.

Ms. Hippo crossed the courtroom to exibit A which she now brought to the court’s attention. It was a large fan.

“Mr. Pig do you recognise this fan?”

“Yes ma’a.m. It is the fan Smiley Wolf used to blow down my house.”

“Thank you Mr. Pig. No further questions.”

Mr. Fox had no questions.

The next witness was Wilbur Pig. He owned a very succesful dairy farm on the north end of town. He related how his two brothers had come pounding frantically on his door claiming they were being chased by a very hungry wolf. Sure enough, soon they heard him scrambling on the roof trying to get in. So they had set a trap for him by starting a fire in the fireplace and waiting for him to come down. Once they had captured him, they called the police and later filed charges.

When the time came for cross examination, Mr. Fox stood and approached the stand.

“Mr. Pig, when was your first encounter with Mr. Wolf?” After thinking a moment Mr. Pig replied, “About two years

ago when he was doing some plumbing work for my parents.”

“And did you. encounter him any time after that?”

“Yes. Once in a while a would see him, doing repair or yard work for a neighbor.”

“Did you ever hire Mr. Wolf to do work on your house?”

“Once I contracted him for repairs on my roof, but he was fired because of a personality conflict.”

“Thank you Mr. Pig, that will be all.”

Wilbur stepped down from the stand and two more witnesses were called up. They were neighbors of Wilbur Pig who had heard the fracus and come out to see what was wrong. They had seen Smiley up on the roof looking down the chimmney and had taken pictures that were now submitted as exibits C and D.

After their testimony and cross examination, it. was Mr. Fox’s turn to call up witnesses. He called only one person: Smi1ey Wolf.

“Now Mr. Wolf,” began Mr. Fox, after Smiley was sworn in, “Please tell the court your exact wherabouts and actions on

the day of the incident.”

“Well,” began Smiley, “I remember it was quite chilly that day, as there was a mighty stiff wind blowing up. I was pretty sure there was going to be a storm later on that day so I started looking around for a place to hole up out of the weather.”

“As I was walking along I came upon the house of Herbert Pig. It was a straw house and I knew it would never hold up

d u ri ng t h e storm. I felt it was my civic duty to warn him. So I marched right up and knocked on the door. Well, you can imagine how shocked I was at the rude refusal, but I knocked again because I just wouldn’t feel right if I left some unsuspecting person in such an unsafe place during a storm. I like to think of myself as a concernd citizen. But still he refused to let me in so I gave up and went on my way.”

“Before I could get very far, an especially strong wind came up and the whole house collapsed on the spot. The occupant of the house came dashing out and then ran off when he saw me.”

“Some time later I came to the house of Porky Pig and it too, looked rather too weak to stand up to the oncoming storm so I went up, hoping he would listen to common sense. Again I was rudely refused and I was wondering why when I heard Herbert’s voice inside. I knew he must have convinced Porky that I was some sort of threat. So I went on my way. On the way out of the yard, I bumped into a big machine of some sort that looked sort of like a windmill. Just as I was wondering what it could be used for, another wind came up, bigger than before and started the machine to whirling. In no time Porky’s house had collapsed too and he and Herbert went running off again.”

“By this time I was pretty worried about being caught outside in the weather so when I came too Wilbur’s house, I knocked even though we weren’t on the best of terms. I did not get fired, by the way, I quit. Any way I was just about to knock when I heard Porky and Herbert, inside. Rather than be turned away again, I decided to slip down the chimney so

that I could talk to them before they ran off, and see what all the fuss was about. They must have seen me out the window and thats when they plotted to cause me great pain and suffering by lighting that horrible fire in the fire place. I got very painful burns from that experience and I excpect to have my just compensation for their cruelty. After my horrible accident I was taken to the burn center and thats all I remember of the day.”

“Thank you Smiley. Your witness counselor.” There was a 1ong pause. Mr. Fox said louder, “Ms Hippo you may question the witness now.” He turned around to see her asleep on her desk. She awoke suddenly with a start.

“No questions, your honor.” She knew every thing out of Smiley Wolf’s mouth would be as big a lie as he’d just told on the stand. It was the reason she’d fallen asleep in the first place and it would do no good to question him.

There were no other witnesses, so, after the closing remarks, which were suspiciously similar to the opening remarks, were read, the jury went out to decide Smiley’s fate. 30 minutes later everyone was back and the verdict was announced.’

Smiley Wolf was pronounced guilty.

As soon as it was announced, he jumped up screaming.

“Its them, they’re the guilty ones!” he said, pointing the three pigs. “Is there no justic in this court! I demand a new trial! The jury was bribed!”

Judge Wapner banged his gavel loudly. “Thats enough! Quiet! Order in the court!” When all was quiet he

continued. Smiley Wolf vou are hereby sentenced to 10 years in the state penitentiary and fined 500,000 dollars to pay for damages. This court is adjourned.”

And he banged his gavel once again ending the matter.

Smiley Wolf was dragged from the court by two officers, screaming obscenities at the three pigs and the judge and jury.

Wilbur went off to tend to his dairy business. Porky became a successful actor and Herbert made a fortune investing his money in porkbellies on the stockmarket.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Image by pshab

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